Around Valentine’s Day, many of us start to evaluate either the abundance or the lack of love we feel in our lives. Most of us like to know who we can count on when things get tough, especially as we continue to collectively survive the COVID-19 pandemic. In our most intimate relationships, we often find ourselves asking a seemingly simple question – are they going to be there for me? Being “there” for someone means something different to each of us, but generally, we define that as consistent, emotional support. But something as precious and valuable as this requires a bit more specificity if we want to get it right. Sue Johnson, who created the Emotionally Focused Therapy Model, (URL at bottom of page) offers an acronym to help answer the question: Are you there for me?

A.R.E.

Accessibility

How available are you to me? Emotionally & physically.

Responsiveness

How well do you respond to my emotional needs? Do you respond with care and attention, or do you respond with dismissive judgment? Frequent refusal?

Engagement

Do you stay involved and interested when we are together or when we are discussing something? Or are you easily distractible and seemingly bored?

Try asking yourself these questions when thinking about both your and your special person’s behaviors. If we are accessible, responsive, and engaged with one another, we are more likely to find security in that relationship and we are able to answer the primary question at hand with a comforting, resounding “yes”.

Interested in enhancing these skills in your partnership? Contact us (URL at bottom of page) to hear more about our intimacy counseling services (URL at bottom of page).

Links:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQCg-jC25fo
https://www.intouchandmotion.com/contact/
https://www.intouchandmotion.com/counseling-services/intimacy-counseling-illinois/

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